Saturday, March 26, 2011

260: Unwelcome guests

Film production crews?
Here in sleepy Kensington?
Go back to Park Slope

Film crews show up in adjacent neighborhoods all the time, turning the Victorian mansions of Ditmas Park into the Hamptons or having the brownstones of Park Slope stand in for a Manhattan that doesn't actually exist. But at the corner of Albemarle and East 5th? Either they're working on a reality show about elderly Russians or they took a wrong turn.

Also, if you're like me and you love this kind of thing, check out this great map. Props to the 11218 for its diversity.

Day 259: So shines a good deed in a weary world

I'm a slow runner
You held the G train for me
I think I'm in love

And yes, I just mentioned Shakespeare and the MTA in the same breath.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Day 258: Finally.

Spring's first daffodil
Bobs its golden teacup head
And scoffs at winter

Daffodils make me think of three profoundly unrelated things: Easter, the Holocaust, and Willy Wonka.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Day 257: Shiny

Cloaked in pearly mist
The Chrysler Building presides
Like a sentinel

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Day 256: Onomato-pee-a

The raving man shouts
"Yo man, I got one kidney!"
Unzip. Splash splash splash.

After a few minutes of accusing his fellow passengers of excessive interest in his manhood, the fellow made the aforementioned proclamation and lurched out the emergency exit into the space between the moving cars (illegal). Then he peed, yelling and waving one fist at us all the while. He reentered the car, returned to his seat, and ranted at some young women about their excessive interest in his manhood.

There are two takeaways here:

1. Public urination is never okay.

2. I think I speak for women everywhere when I make the following announcement:

Dear men: women are not currently, never have been, and never will be nearly as interested in your penises as you think we are. In fact, we will never be HALF as interested in your penises as you are. Accept this fact and move on with your lives.

Day 255: Subway fashion

She's a mystery
Wrapped in brown, gold, cream, and teal
Showing just her eyes

I love how a woman will get on the train wearing a miniskirt, 4-inch heels, and a halter top (in 35 degree weather) and sit next to a woman wearing flowing hijab. I guess I like contrast.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Day 254: Angry Commuters in 5...4...3...

A glass of green goo?
What a great idea for
Your morning commute!

Yesterday morning I watched a skinny, irate woman elbow her way onto an extraordinarily crowded 2 train. This is not an uncommon site, but this woman was brandishing a tall glass of green goop. Not a lidded plastic take-out cup, mind you. A big, open, breakable kitchen glass filled to the brim with what I think was frog spawn. It even had a spoon in it -- you know, if by chance her fellow commuters weren't wearing enough goo within the first few stops, and she decided to engage the catapult.

I waited for the next train.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Day 253: Overkill

Seven rosaries
Seem like more than enough for
One tough teenage neck

I like to think that he put the sixth enormous rosary (big wooden beads and a huge wooden crucifix) around his neck, looked in the mirror, and thought "something's missing..." Then he put on the seventh one (chunky gold with a giant faux-diamond-encrusted Jesus head) and said "that's it!"

And yes, I counted.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Day 252: Let's Call Him Leonardo

Either that is the
Largest rat I've ever seen
Or a chihuahua

Ever since the MTA rerouted the train to bypass my stop (I think you have to live here to fully appreciate the complex ripples of suck generated by this decision) I have had to walk one stop in the wrong direction to catch the Manhattan-bound F. This has introduced me to Rattus Gigantopithecus Churchus Avenuensis: a breed of rats so enormous, I can only speculate that they were once exposed to radioactive materials and now spend their days eating pizza and fighting crime.