Monday, August 29, 2011

Day 327: Aftermath

Excited children
Scramble over fallen trees
And split sidewalk tiles

If there is one lesson to be learned from severe weather it is that everyone, regardless of age, gender, and ethnic background, loves to gawk at fallen trees. Intrepid Boyfriend and I are no exceptions. Our immediate neighborhood emerged relatively unscathed with two impressive tree casualties and one set of downed power lines. The scariest thing that happened at our place was when one of the scaffolding planks on the front of our building came clattering down on Saturday night. Very noisy, but no damage.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Day 326: I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet

My office lurches
The floor sways from side to side
Like a high-rise boat

It was my first earthquake, and it was frigging scary (and surprisingly nauseating). My office is on the 27th floor of a building that is sandwiched between two very famous NYC landmarks. So when the earthquake hit, we didn't think it was an earthquake. A lot of people are blathering about how everyone over-reacted. All I can say is that we didn't know what had happened and whether it was in the building, and that's when security told us that we were not allowed to leave the floor. Sound familiar? No? Think back about 10 years.

And for all those jerkwads in California saying we're wimps, they can call me back when they get buried under a few pesky feet of snow for the first time.

Day 325: Preparations, Part II

In a town picked clean
I score saint candles in a
Mexican deli

I guess I waited to the last minute for my hurricane prep. We're not in a flood zone, so I figured I would have my pick of supplies. I filled all of our containers and bottles with water and we had plenty of food, but I still wanted to pick up some flashlight batteries and candles.

Forget it. Everyone was sold out of water, batteries, and candles. While walking home I passed a bodega advertising "productos Mexicanos!" with a lot of Jesus paraphernalia in the window. Actually, I've passed it a hundred times and never gone in. Sure enough, they had a WALL full of candles in various shapes, colors, and saints. We'll be weathering the storm with noted vegetarian Martin de Porres, the willingly impoverished Saint Clare of Assisi, and Our Lady of Mount Carmel for good measure.

In a situation like this I think it's best to cover all bases -- but now that I've done a little research I'm kicking myself for not looking for a Saint Christopher candle.

Day 324: Preparations, Part I

Our hatches battened
We fill the tub with water
And await the storm

I haven't even had a chance to write about Tuesday's earthquake yet, and now we have another impending natural disaster on our hands.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Day 323: Styling Tips

One good gust of wind
And that plastered combover
Reaches for the sky

Midtown is essentially a wind tunnel. It wouldn't have mattered if he'd rubber cemented that thing to his head.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Day 322: Underground String Trio

Three small children busk
With tiny violins as
Their parents look on

Maybe it was the kids' idea, but something about this little Asian Partridge Family made me vaguely uncomfortable.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Day 321: Meshuggeneh

An old nut job rants
Blaming a hot, crowded train
On "the lesbians"

I didn't see the connection, but in his mind it was clearly irrefutable.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Day 320: Borough Park girls

Long-sleeved, long-skirted
Four bewigged girls discuss who's
Pregnant and who's not

To them, my life is all bare shoulders and immodesty and misplaced ambition. To me, their life is all baby-making and crockpots and straining within the confines of religion. I can only assume that we're wrong about each other, and probably have a lot more in common than we think.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Day 319: Confusion and Disappointment

Wait -- are you saying
Lady Liberty is not
On Staten Island?

I like the moment on the Staten Island Ferry when all the tourists on the port side of the ferry realize that the Statute of Liberty is on the starboard side. A stampede ensues. It sort of feels like the whole boat might tip over. The only thing funnier is when someone realizes that the ferry isn't actually going to take them to the Statue of Liberty.

Day 318: Overheard on the Staten Island Ferry

"It's Coney Island!" (wrong)
"The Golden Gate!" (VERY wrong)
"The Bronx!"(New Jersey)

I like to laugh at tourists.

Day 317: Buyer's Remorse?

Do you ever wish
You'd abstained from getting that
Tattoo of Gumby?

It took up his entire arm. I feel like that's the kind of thing where you wake up 5 years later (or the morning after you got it), look in the mirror, and say "dear god, what was I thinking?"

Day 316: Fearless Protector

Sweet old police dog
Hard at work sniffing our bags
And wagging her tail

There is a very serious and distinguished black lab who works at the Staten Island Ferry terminal. I love dogs, and I love labs. And for some reason I love police dogs and guide dogs even more than I love unemployed dogs. I think it's because I'm not allowed to pet them. You know, because they're working.