She's not reading Kant?
Your toddler needs a tutor
Or no Yale for you
Initially, the last line of this haiku was "or no Yale for her." Then I remembered that for most of these parents, the child's interests are secondary at best. You thought your baby was ahead of the game because she cut her teeth early -- but she hasn't mastered baby sign language? Psshhhh. You're not red shirting your 5-year-old son? Gasp! Your children are going to be playing catch-up for the rest of their lives.
P.S. A special thanks to the Times for publishing both of the stories to which I have linked. I can't imagine how I would keep up with the troubles of rich White Manhattanites without their help.