Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Day 264: Subway Psychology 101: How Not to Flirt

You know you've struck out
When the girls get off the train
Just to avoid you

There are a few very simple unwritten rules of mass transit. One of the most important ones is that you never stand or sit closer to anyone than is absolutely necessary. It doesn't matter if you look like this guy; you will creep people out if you get too close.

This schlubby guy across from me was trying really hard to chat up an attractive young woman who wanted nothing to do with him. Unfortunately, like so many women she was compulsively polite about it. This let him think he had a chance. She rushed off at the next stop in a blatant Leave-Me-Alone Subway Car Switcharoo*. The guy slid theatrically down the bench seat so that he was next to another woman. He said "hellooo beautiful" and tried again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

This man lives in a sweet oblivion about his own attractiveness.

* Other similar maneuvers include the Broken A/C in August, the Every Inch of this Car is Covered in Urine, the Is That a Dead Body?, and the Oh My God, Someone Just Puked.

No comments:

Post a Comment